Are you Really Living?

To Make You Think 1 Response »
Aug 022011

It really is true that in England when the sun shines the whole place seems to come alive.  l was watching this beautiful butterfly today busying itself amongst the purple flowers and it made me want to write about how precious life is.

The other night I watched the movie ‘Veronika Decides to Die’, based on the book by Paulo Coelho (well known author of the Alchemist). Initially it seems like a very sad movie about a girl who can’t see the point of going through the motions of life. As she describes it – you get married, then after you have had kids your husband has an affair because you are too tired and busy being a mother and you wish you could kill him (and his mistress), but then you realise that life on your own would be worse and so you put up with his behaviour (because he will do it again) and just go through the motions of life without feeling much. She overdoses but doesn’t succeed and so after being in a coma for a week finds herself in a psychiatric hospital. She is told she has done permanent damage to her heart and will die at any stage from a heart attack.

I wont tell you what happens but she yearns to see the sea, watch the sun setting and to hug her mother. In her case, these are all things that are freely available to her on regular basis. So – I am curious as to why it is more often than not that we only start to really live and see the magic in the simple things when we are faced with death. Why is that?

Every day is another day closer to our final one and yet how many of us embrace each day from the perspective that we have one day less left to live? No matter who we are or how healthy we might be today, we just never know when our last day will arrive.

I have a very close friend fighting cancer and he said to me ‘ I feel like one of the lucky ones as I now see the magic in each and every moment, no matter how small and insignificant it might seem’.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”- Mark Twain

Don’t wait to be faced with death before you start to see the magic all around you.

Posted by Hilbre at 6:22 pm

The Commuter's Victory

General, Out and About 1 Response »
Jul 262011

I am not a huge fan of commuting (as seems to be the general view after reading an article on what makes people happy – a short commute is a big one). However, I had quite a long way to go on the tube today so I decided to have a change in commuting strategy. Instead of burying my head in my iPhone or iPad (such is the thing to do on a commute – or sleep), I challenged myself to just simply sit and watch the goings on around me. I do find this a real challenge as I feel I should be doing something with the time. Eastern philosophy will tell you that to simply sit is one of the hardest things to do.

So there I was just sitting and watching (have to admit I did feel a little self conscious that I wasn’t focusing on a gadget like my fellow commuters). I found it fascinating though how many people get on to the tube and scan the carriage (with darting little eyes) to spot an empty seat. When they see one, they move with such alacrity – some almost run! Once the seat has been seized they either look proudly around as if to say ‘I won..’ or they don’t dare look up in case they bulldozed an old person or a pregnant woman who really could have benefitted from sitting down.

Although we are often tired when we are commuting – and a seat is a welcome relief to standing – we should remember that we spend far too much of our lives sitting as it is.

Next time you get onto a train see if you are one of the seat dashers or whether you casually hang near the door. If you are already in a seat (which I am sure you moved to in a civilized manner) watch how crazy people go to get a seat…it is quite amusing really.

Happy people watching (and standing)

Posted by Hilbre at 6:32 pm

Conversation Killer

General 3 Responses »
Jul 192011

I was recently at a social event where a woman asked me how many children I had. She just assumed that I had children. When I told her I didn’t have any she looked very awkward and quickly went off to talk to someone else who I can only assume had children. (It isn’t just women I might add, my husband says he gets the same reaction from other men when they ask him about children).

I thought it was very interesting, as she clearly felt uncomfortable after finding out that I wasn’t a mother. For me, women are made up of so many facets, motherhood being one aspect of us, so why do so many mothers find it uncomfortable to relate to women who have not had children? After all, we were all childless at one point.

There is often the assumption that to be child free is a negative situation and that all non-mothers secretly yearn to be mothers. While this may well be true for a lot of women who were not able to fall pregnant, there is a vast majority out there who have actively chosen to remain child free.

Research has shown that birth trends in the developed world have changed considerably since the 1990’s. Below is a quote from an article which appeared in The Telegraph in June 2009:-

The proportion of those who are without children has almost doubled since the 1990s – and pursuing professional careers is a key factor, suggesting it is now a lifestyle choice.

Single women are five times less likely to have children than married ones, while those cohabiting are almost twice as likely to stay childless, the Office for National Statistics research reveals.

Here is the link to the rest of the article:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/5637417/One-in-five-women-stay-childless-because-of-modern-lifestyle.html

Therefore to have children or not to have children shouldn’t be a conversation killer. Next time any of you talk to a woman who hasn’t had children, and you think she is of an age where she clearly should be having children, ask her something else about her life – you might find yourself pleasantly surprised by what she tells you.

Posted by Hilbre at 1:07 pm

Watching Thoughts

Making Life Easier, To Make You Think No Responses »
Jul 142011

I subscribe to Yoga magazine as I find the articles both interesting and practical and often relevant to my coaching sessions. Recently I read an interesting article on meditation myths.  I am trying to incorporate meditation into my life and find it a real challenge to still my thoughts (as do most meditation novices).

It is very frustrating when you feel you can’t control your mind and all these random thoughts keep rushing backwards and forwards for no logical reason. We expend far too much energy on thoughts of the past (which is now history), worrying about the future (which we really have very little control over) and so why do we do it?

I was coaching a client a few weeks ago, who by her own admission, expends too much mental energy worrying about the future. She is not alone as we are all guilty of such practice. I shared with her what I had read in Eckhart Tolle’s book – A New Earth – that we only ever live in the present and that even when we get to the future it is still the present…therefore surely the only thing we ever need to focus on (notice I haven’t used the word ‘worry’) is the present?

So I wanted to share a tip with you that I got from the article on mind mastery meditation to help you stay in the present. Instead of trying to fight your thoughts away and feeling annoyed that there are so many of them; rather just observe them floating by as if they are all on clouds just passing by.

I found this does two things – firstly it takes the pressure off of having to be good at meditation (if you are meditating but you can practice this during your normal day when you become aware of your thoughts or find yourself worrying).

Secondly, it gives us the ability to take a step back and watch our minds, instead of being our minds. When ever we go away on holiday we get perspective on our lives as we have stepped out of our day to day. This little practice will help you to keep perspective and to be more in the present moment.

Happy cloud watching…

Posted by Hilbre at 12:25 pm

Living Life like a JR

Inspiration No Responses »
Jul 082011

Today’s blog is all about seizing the day – something I am passionate about.  The one thing I really enjoy about living in England is how everyone makes the most of the good weather (which is hopefully going to return this week-end).

I thought my Jack Russells were the perfect subjects for this blog, as I never get bored watching their attitude to life.  I believe we can learn a lot from our feisty four legged friends.

Their approach to life is one of constant curiosity for EVERYTHING, they have never ending passion and energy, boldness and bravery – they will never accept defeat or believe anything is bigger than them. They approach every day with the same intensity as if it had never been seen before and was never going to be here again. They are loyal to the dying day and love like there is nothing to lose. In a nutshell nothing gets them down – ever!

I believe we can all do with a little bit of JR attitude. The first thing is to wake up and say ‘thank you’ for your day – it is a gift and you never know when it will be your last. The second thing is to be mindful of your attitude throughout the day and notice when you are slipping into negativity or feeling defeated. Life Coaching is all about creating change which is in two parts, the first being awareness of what you want to change and the second is conscious discipline and action to change what you don’t like about yourself.

Posted by Hilbre at 6:19 pm

Laugh out loud

Out and About No Responses »
Jun 212011

I have just got back from a wonderful week in the sun (seems I picked a good week to be away with all this rain). I am therefore feeling very relaxed but at the same time very behind with my blogging. I wanted to share this one with you as I think the world definitely needs more laughter.

We went to see Seinfeld a few weeks ago which was his first time in London, and for those of you who are Seinfeld fans and didn’t go – you missed a fantastic night. I always think it is such an amazing gift to be able to stand up on a stage and make people laugh for 90 minutes – what a great job.

As I left there (with my cheeks aching) I just thought how good laughing makes one feel and how many people just don’t seem to laugh enough. I know life can be hard and at times it certainly isn’t appropriate to laugh but it is something we could all benefit from doing on a daily basis.

The interesting thing was that all Jerry’s material was just about normal day-to-day stuff that people do. Comedians are masters at observing human behaviour and relaying it back to us…

I found the following Benefits of Laughter on the Internet and thought they were worth sharing with you.

  1. Laughter is contagious – we all know this is true.
  2. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers and producers a general sense of well-being.
  3. Laughter generally increases activity within in the immune system. It also decreases stress hormones. I tend to think happy people do seem to be less sickly than unhappy people.
  4. Laughter is even equivalent to a small about of exercise. It massages all organs of the body – according to a certain Dr James Walsh.
  5. Laughter builds relationships.
  6. Laughter disarms tension and stress.
  7. Humour brings the balance we need to get through the turbulence of life comfortably.
  8. Laughter adds spice to life and to add my own – laughter makes life more fun!

Therefore – go out there and try to find humour in your daily life.

Posted by Hilbre at 2:24 pm

Acceptance of time

Making Life Easier, To Make You Think 1 Response »
Jun 072011

As a life coach I learn so much from my clients, which is one of the reasons why I love what I do and never feel like it is work. I had such a great session today, which my client has given permission for me to share.

When she started life coaching she wanted to have everything happen at once – she felt that it was all taking too long and she wanted it all now. Today she told me that she realised that her greatest learning during the coaching journey has been Acceptance – acceptance that time cannot be fast-forwarded, that the clock only ticks as fast as it is meant to. As she held her little daughters feet in her hands she realised how much they had already grown and it made her realise how quickly time does actually move but if we wish it away we don’t notice the subtle changes which we can never get back. I thought it was something for us all to remember that we need to learn to live in the moment and realise that the future will only happen as fast as it is meant to and in the meantime the lesson is to notice the immediate moment of which we will never get back.

Children are our greatest markers of time as they grow so quickly – we do too but we don’t realise it as we are rushing around so much worrying about what we should be doing or agonising over what we didn’t do. Just stop, take a deep breath and accept that life moves at the pace it is meant to. If we don’t we will always be in a constant state of exhaustion and frustration.

Posted by Hilbre at 5:29 pm

Equality in the bedroom

To Make You Think 1 Response »
May 222011

Why does sex change everything?

S-E-X – that good old forbidden word – or is it? Why are some cultures like the Italians ALL about sex and passion and others like the English all about not mentioning the word unless they are plastered…I find it intriguing how many people never spoke (or speak) to their parents about sex. Why is it like this and is it still like this today for the younger generation?

I am not sure that much has actually changed when it comes to sexual equality in the bedroom. Women are demanding equal rights in all aspects of life, whether it be salary, politics, childcare, maternity/paternity leave, equal opportunities etc BUT how come when a women sleeps with a man (now I am generalizing here)  it changes everything? Suddenly they become vulnerable, want a commitment and if it doesn’t work out then they feel used. I don’t quite get this last part because surely when an adult enters into any form of agreement with another adult it should be on equal terms. So why does this not happen under the duvet?

This is where I become passionate about coaching women as I see so many women not valuing themselves enough to demand the respect they deserve from men.  Self-respect is critical to having self-confidence and self-worth. If we don’t respect ourselves, how can we demand it from others? We start respecting ourselves through our actions and taking self -responsibility. When a man and a women have a wild night of passion and it is only that – they should both see it as a fun night to remember and it was only a moment and not meant to necessarily be anything more. He shouldn’t be the stud and she shouldn’t be slag.

Posted by Hilbre at 12:22 pm

Where has my time gone?

Making Life Easier 4 Responses »
May 102011

I was in Dorset last week spending time with my new little god daughter and I was just so in awe of watching my friend doing such a fabulous job of juggling a new born and a toddler (of which I am sure many of you reading this will know only too well how hard this is). Not being a mother I find it interesting – and to be honest often quite sad – that when women become mothers their position in society seems to go straight to the bottom of the pile. Even the dog gets preference. Whilst I love animals I do find it hard when I see women not making any time for themselves, even in the smallest of ways. They seem to just struggle to cope with the many demands of the day to day.

So many of my clients come to coaching just so they can give themselves the small gift of their coaching time to re-connect with who they were before they became mothers. Time to really talk and time to be really listened to. Time to have the focus just on them and time to make a list of the things they want to do for themselves. Why is it that women are still in so many ways the inferior sex? While I don’t consider myself a feminist, I do believe that women should know their self worth and be true to themselves in terms of their own needs. I understand that being a parent requires a certain amount of sacrifice but surely that shouldn’t be to the detriment of losing one’s sense of self.

To all the mothers out there – always remember you were a woman in your own right before you became a mother and your children will leave home one day and you will need to re-connect with who you once were. Don’t leave it too long that you end up not knowing yourself.

Make time for yourself – no matter how small that time may be.

 

 

Posted by Hilbre at 6:32 am

What a week-end!

News, To Make You Think No Responses »
May 032011

This week-end certainly makes history with the perfect fairytale wedding to start – nearly half the world watching and an unbelievably huge turn out in London itself.

Continued sunshine and no rain. According to BBC Weather, the statistics haven’t been fully compiled yet but it does look like April 2011 will go down as the warmest and driest April on record (never a shortage of a weather stat in the UK).

Two 4 day week-ends back-to-back and as Jamie said on London’s Heart this morning – ended with the capture of the evil man.

It certainly is a week-end of change in the form of a younger and more updated royal family that seem perfectly normal. From the reports of the after parties – in fact sound wilder than most. It has taken 10 years for Osama Bin Laden to be killed – one forgets just how long the Afghanistan war has been going on.

I think we should just take a moment to reflect that this was quite an extraordinary week-end with lots of change to come as a result…

Posted by Hilbre at 7:40 am
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