When you are feeling grey – go Fifty Shades greyer…

Why is it that a book about S&M and bondage is having women all over the world literally squirming in their seats as they excitedly hang on every word about what Christian Grey is doing and going to do next to Anastasia?

What is it saying about society that we as women are all obsessed with reading how a woman can be submissive and totally controlled by a dominant and clearly very disturbed man – does this really turn us on?

I bought this book for my latest holiday which I have to say was the perfect accompaniment to the hot Sicilian sunshine and the Italian passion for love of life. There is no denying that this is a great read and will spice up anyone’s relationship.

However, the other side of the coin is what are younger readers going to do with this information? I was talking to a doctor yesterday who said there is growing concern amongst mothers whose daughters – as young as 15 – are reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Is this how the next generation are going to view sex – that it is all kinks, doms, subs and vanilla is out?

Below is a real life account of a woman who found herself in the situation of being a submissive and the harrowing effect thereof. The reality is we need wisdom and life experience to know the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy sexual relationship and what our boundaries are.


When it comes to coaching women I find the essence of all issues stems from how they value themselves. How then can women have good self-esteem and self worth when they allow themselves to be in situations where they are dominated and treated as a sex toy?

If women find themselves voluntarily entering into relationships where they put the man as a dominant figure that can surely only lead to further issues of lack of self worth and diminishing self respect often resulting in depression and self deprecating behaviour such as drugs and alcohol.

When it comes to the Fifty Shades Trilogy – enjoy the fantasy and take out of it what ever you deem to be healthy and fun remembering that there is always a fine line in life…

How Confident are you?

What is Confidence?

I have just got back from a brilliant two day Fear of Public Speaking retreat. The only thing standing in the way of success is lack of CONFIDENCE.

If we are confident (very different from arrogant), we can do anything as we hold the key ingredient of self-belief. What will it take for you to believe in yourself?

Life Coaching helps build self-confidence by challenging self-limiting beliefs and visualising what a confident self would look and feel like. The power of visualisation lies in the fact that you see yourself living as a confident person with all the benefits and rewards that being confident would bring.

Research in the field of Neuroscience has shown that the brain cannot tell the difference between a real and an imagined event. Sports stars have been using visualisation techniques for a number of years now by engaging all of their senses in their mental rehearsal  as part of their training and preparation for major tournaments and sporting events.

The power of visualisation lies in the fact that once you have a clear image of what you want to achieve and you create a strong sensory map of that image – you will be able to make it a reality through continued focused energy and the Law of Attraction.

You don’t have to stand back anymore and admire others for being so confident – start your visual map today and you will be surprised at how quickly you find yourself taking centre stage.

I am always fascinated with the psychology of commuting and how routine we all are when it comes to going to work.

I drop my husband at the station every morning just before 6am so he can catch that awfully early 6.04am train. We always know we are perfectly on time if the man in the grey jacket (who we have now called ‘The Marker’) is at the bend in the road and if not then we drive that little bit faster (just assume he is always on time). The same man in his biker jacket (always stands right next to the bins reading The Sun) is puffing away – as if it is his last cigarette – before the train pulls in. The final piece in the morning station gathering is an older very posh looking man in his black 4X4 who comes in on 2 wheels at 6.03am and literally runs to the train every day holding his hat – yes he wears a hat (but not just any old hat – a real old fashioned hat). Some days if we are early I wait to see him arrive as it always intrigues me how he never allows that extra minute just so he can walk to the train. I would have thought starting the day like that can’t be the most relaxing – maybe he likes the adrenalin rush just to add a bit of spice to the mundane monotony of the morning commute.

Then as I do my u-turn and leave the station the same lady stares at me from the driver’s side of her car as she has dropped her husband off. I think I might smile at her tomorrow just to see her reaction – she might well smile back…

As I leave the station and make my way home there is always this other man walking very upright and never in a rush. He carries a very old looking briefcase and his other hand is either in his pocket or carrying a newspaper. He seems to have quite a long walk but is never in a rush and is always walking in the same part of the road when I pass him. He strikes me as being very content with life.

As I wind my way back up the lanes the same farmer in his old green Land Rover passes me at the exact same spot and then last week he actually waved at me. I thought this was lovely as although we don’t know each other we are a part of each other’s morning and in a sense it almost seems rude to not acknowledge each other. If any of these people are not in one of my mornings I do notice it and in a strange way feel like something is just not quite right.

Next time you commute see if you can spot those strangers in your life who form part of your daily routine. Maybe you have never noticed them but I can guarantee you, they are there and they might well have noticed you. This might just offer some light relief to the otherwise rather depressing news that seems to have become the norm of our papers.

I am not a huge fan of commuting (as seems to be the general view after reading an article on what makes people happy – a short commute is a big one). However, I had quite a long way to go on the tube today so I decided to have a change in commuting strategy. Instead of burying my head in my iPhone or iPad (such is the thing to do on a commute – or sleep), I challenged myself to just simply sit and watch the goings on around me. I do find this a real challenge as I feel I should be doing something with the time. Eastern philosophy will tell you that to simply sit is one of the hardest things to do.

So there I was just sitting and watching (have to admit I did feel a little self conscious that I wasn’t focusing on a gadget like my fellow commuters). I found it fascinating though how many people get on to the tube and scan the carriage (with darting little eyes) to spot an empty seat. When they see one, they move with such alacrity – some almost run! Once the seat has been seized they either look proudly around as if to say ‘I won..’ or they don’t dare look up in case they bulldozed an old person or a pregnant woman who really could have benefitted from sitting down.

Although we are often tired when we are commuting – and a seat is a welcome relief to standing – we should remember that we spend far too much of our lives sitting as it is.

Next time you get onto a train see if you are one of the seat dashers or whether you casually hang near the door. If you are already in a seat (which I am sure you moved to in a civilized manner) watch how crazy people go to get a seat…it is quite amusing really.

Happy people watching (and standing)

I was recently at a social event where a woman asked me how many children I had. She just assumed that I had children. When I told her I didn’t have any she looked very awkward and quickly went off to talk to someone else who I can only assume had children. (It isn’t just women I might add, my husband says he gets the same reaction from other men when they ask him about children).

I thought it was very interesting, as she clearly felt uncomfortable after finding out that I wasn’t a mother. For me, women are made up of so many facets, motherhood being one aspect of us, so why do so many mothers find it uncomfortable to relate to women who have not had children? After all, we were all childless at one point.

There is often the assumption that to be child free is a negative situation and that all non-mothers secretly yearn to be mothers. While this may well be true for a lot of women who were not able to fall pregnant, there is a vast majority out there who have actively chosen to remain child free.

Research has shown that birth trends in the developed world have changed considerably since the 1990’s. Below is a quote from an article which appeared in The Telegraph in June 2009:-

The proportion of those who are without children has almost doubled since the 1990s – and pursuing professional careers is a key factor, suggesting it is now a lifestyle choice.

Single women are five times less likely to have children than married ones, while those cohabiting are almost twice as likely to stay childless, the Office for National Statistics research reveals.

Here is the link to the rest of the article:


Therefore to have children or not to have children shouldn’t be a conversation killer. Next time any of you talk to a woman who hasn’t had children, and you think she is of an age where she clearly should be having children, ask her something else about her life – you might find yourself pleasantly surprised by what she tells you.

Welcome to my blog post.

I have finally found the courage to set this blog up and hope it will make for fun and insightful reading. As a Life Coach I am fascinated with people and the process of change. My niche focus is women in transition, in particular working with them to believe they are capable of change and really can have the life they want to. My observations will be both personal as well as from a professional point of view.

I love to watch animal behaviour as I believe we can learn so much from observing how perfectly nature operates. I took this photo yesterday of Nomsa (Zulu for passion) running in the bluebells and felt it personified both freedom and new beginnings. For me Spring represents new beginnings and growth – which is what life coaching is all about and freedom is one of my strongest values.