I was in Dorset last week spending time with my new little god daughter and I was just so in awe of watching my friend doing such a fabulous job of juggling a new born and a toddler (of which I am sure many of you reading this will know only too well how hard this is). Not being a mother I find it interesting – and to be honest often quite sad – that when women become mothers their position in society seems to go straight to the bottom of the pile. Even the dog gets preference. Whilst I love animals I do find it hard when I see women not making any time for themselves, even in the smallest of ways. They seem to just struggle to cope with the many demands of the day to day.
So many of my clients come to coaching just so they can give themselves the small gift of their coaching time to re-connect with who they were before they became mothers. Time to really talk and time to be really listened to. Time to have the focus just on them and time to make a list of the things they want to do for themselves. Why is it that women are still in so many ways the inferior sex? While I don’t consider myself a feminist, I do believe that women should know their self worth and be true to themselves in terms of their own needs. I understand that being a parent requires a certain amount of sacrifice but surely that shouldn’t be to the detriment of losing one’s sense of self.
To all the mothers out there – always remember you were a woman in your own right before you became a mother and your children will leave home one day and you will need to re-connect with who you once were. Don’t leave it too long that you end up not knowing yourself.
Make time for yourself – no matter how small that time may be.
I sometimes find myself wondering where Claire went. I am now business owner, wife, mother, dog owner multi tasker extraordinare. Even though I know I want to reconnect with who I used to be before I had kids, I still struggle to find the time. I am not talking about the young free and single me. I am talking about being able to be selfish and concentrate purely on me. Maybe spend the day mooching around the shops without constantly watching where my toddler is; thinking about where the nearest loos are for when they undoubtedly decide they need a wee when I am just reaching the front of the queue to pay; thinking about their snack time or milk time for the baby (never mind the hubby looking bored in the background!).
I know that when I do find the time to do “me time” things I get such a powerful lift from it. I spent yesterday morning painting my new potting shed instead of working and I got the most amazing buzz out of it. That bit of quality me time will last me for weeks.
If I can continue to get occasional snatches of me time for now I will be happy. It is hard when they are so dependent on you. The thing is I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am happier now than I have ever been and if that means that in the short term I have limited time for me then I am happy.
What an astute blog post! I grew up believing I was equal to any man and that continued through the early years of marriage and right up until the day I gave birth to my first son. Suddenly, I had to take on a very traditional role which I’d had no training for and at times found it very difficult to adapt. Having said that, I now feel like I have the best of both worlds – 2 gorgeous children and a part time job.
The tricky bit is trying to reach that balance and you’re right that coaching can be so key just to have an hour or two of “me” time, time to think and focus on needs that are actually key to being a mother, because if mothers aren’t happy, neither are the kids.
I hope in the future, the perception around the importance of a mother’s role in society changes. I’ve often been asked whether I work or if I’m “JUST a mother”. Maybe then there would be less judgement and more support. It doesn’t matter if you’re a mother, a working mother, a single mother, or not a mother at all. What’s most important is you’re who you want to be.
Well said!!! Be true to yourself….. Children observe life through your eyes as a mother first and if you give all of yourself to them how will they ever learn to be themselves if they don’t know who you are. Love others AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF… Trust me it is not easy to get there….I believe there is seasons in ours lifes as mothers…. Season to show our little ones the world through our eyes. The Season to teach them life skills through our mistakes. The Season to observe what we have taught. The Season to set them Free, knowing we are still true to who we are, just much more richer in growth and unconditional love….. I love being a mother… job description and all!!!
I loved reading these replies as it just re-inforced how precious time is. For all us non-mums we must always remember that the time we have for ourselves is a luxury that not all women have. I was also so pleased to see that motherhood is worth the sacrifice of time for one-self and that spare time will come again. Until then try to remember to grab each and every spare moment to do something for yourself.